Welcome back to my rants. I was not finished talking about all the issues I have with this school in my first post, so I’m making a second one here.  I left off with transphobia, and now I will dive into how the school handles issues such as bullying, and assault, whether it be sexual assault or physical assault. Also, how the school handles things like panic attacks.

I am starting with something that I have dealt with personally. Assault. If I come forward about being assaulted, I should not have to feel like I am in trouble with the school, or like I’m being interrogated about my choice of clothing. To the district, and people who make the rules, do you know how hard it is to even come forward and say that you were assaulted, or taken advantage of in some way? It’s hard, and it’s scary. I am afraid of adults. Terrified of them. Only a few adults have my trust, and that is saying a lot. Ever since childhood, I’ve been afraid of adults. Mostly adult men. I get scared that if I do anything, I’m going to get hurt, or yelled at.

This is for multiple reasons. One. I had a very rough childhood. I won’t say exactly what happened, but I will say that my biological father is the reason for my fear of men. Only four male teachers have made me feel safe, and yet I don’t tell them this. Why? Because the last time I told an adult man that I felt safe around him, I had a pretty bad panic attack, and I never trusted him fully. He didn’t do anything, but he made me think he was going to. The male teachers I feel safe around, are four specific teachers. All of these have helped me in some way, with my mental health, with a panic attack, or some other issue. Ian Rodman has helped me with anxiety, and being comfortable telling teachers about my true identity.

Mr. Barney has helped me through a panic attack, and let me take a break from class for as long as I needed. Mr. Schafer made sure my panic attack didn’t escalate during driver’s education. I told him how I was terrified of semi trucks, and he had me sit out of the assignment. Lastly, Mr. Young. He helped me realize that speaking was not a crime and that I could be comfortable speaking. He let me sit with the people I felt safest with, and he didn’t yell at me. None of these teachers have ever yelled at me, and that makes me feel safe around them.

Now, onto bullying. It happens all the time, and the school turns a blind eye to it. I was bullied for being gay. This was in middle school, and in a different district, but even then, the schools don’t actually do anything about bullying until a student goes missing, or kills themself. Take a moment to think about how stupid that is. Once a student is either dead, or missing, the school turns a blind eye, and those responsible for what happened to the student go unpunished. Sure, the school administration talks to the bullies, or those responsible for what happened to the missing or dead student, but they don’t do anything about it.

The last time I reported someone to the administration about serious allegations, that they should have done something about it, all they did was talk to them. It’s heartbreaking, to watch the school administration turn a blind eye to things like bullying, sexual assault, and things like that. I hate having to talk about stuff like this publicly, but something needs to be done. Sure, not many people will read this, but the school needs to be held responsible for how bad they are. School might kill a student’s creativity, and may create so many issues with mental health. And the fact that it is legally required just fuels the fire.

Another thing is, the school doesn’t actually listen to the students. Sure, some teachers do, but the district does not. My middle school was hell. I was assaulted in the middle of class, and the teacher turned a blind eye. The councilor turned a blind eye. The district turned a blind eye. I spoke my truth, and what I truly thought was wrong with the school, and they called my mother. This is the only time I can speak freely about my hatred for school. I am failing classes because of how mentally draining they are. I might get expelled from the school at some point because of bad grades. I am doing better, but it isn’t enough.

If I have to walk into a classroom, and immediately look for places to hide in case of a school shooting, then the school is failing at protecting their students. If I have to make up scenarios about what I could do if I am a victim, or in a school shooting, then the school is failing at protecting their students. If I have to think about ways to defend myself inside the school, in case there is a school shooting, or in the event that I am attacked by another student, then the school is failing at protecting their students.

I am a maladaptive daydreamer. This means that my mind is constantly in another world. It is not a choice, it is a coping mechanism. It affects my grades, my life, and me as a person. I have made so many scenarios where I’d have to protect myself or a friend of mine in my school, that I constantly worry about actually having to follow through with these scenarios. Maladaptive daydreaming is supposed to be a coping mechanism where we make up fantasy stories, to distract ourselves from stress, and anxiety, but my stress has gotten so bad I daydream, thinking of every bad thing that could happen to me in a school building.

The school can silence my physical words, but they cannot silence my writing. I can always find a way to write about everything wrong with this school, and I will say everything that is wrong with schools in general. Guns are such a huge issue, not only because of school shootings but because some people are terrified of the people holding guns. Guns themselves are not dangerous, it’s the people that make them dangerous. And if I have to rant over 2,000 words about how much the school system does not, then so be it. I will rant, I will yell, and I will get the point across. We are not truly safe inside schools, ever. There are so many people that could do so much wrong in the school, that it is unavoidable.

One more thing, before this is submitted and published. Panic attacks. If I’m having a panic attack, do you actually think that five minutes is enough for me to calm down? It’s not. It takes time to calm down and recollect your thoughts after a panic attack. So the school can either give students more time to calm down, or the school can deal with me hyperventilating, crying, and shaking in the middle of class.

So thank you for listening to yet another rant of mine. Over 1,100 words and I am almost done. But even then, new issues come up every year. The amount of anger that has built up in my body makes me shake. It scares me. I am not a danger, I am just scared, and angry. Do not treat me as if I’m a wild animal to be caged. I am a person, and I have every right to speak my mind.

Sincerely, Sage.